


fearing the beast | shizuo x reader

by soph_animexwbu



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Engagement, F/M, Fluff, Heartbreak, Lime, Love, Pain, Pregnancy, Smut, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2018-12-13 05:17:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11752836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soph_animexwbu/pseuds/soph_animexwbu
Summary: i've never written for this fandom but i thought it'd be some fun, and shizuo is my favourite character from this series so here you go shizuo fangirls <3WARNING: accidental domestic violence, sexual content, crying.DISCLAIMER: i do not own durarara or any of the characters shown in this fic - all rights reserved <3





	1. one | pain.

there was a lot to name in this city. ominous powers, trouble-making gangs, malicious and psychopathic individuals. never a boring day in ikebukuro, not from what you could tell at least. you moved here a while ago, a few friends lived near by and suggested the high-paced atmosphere of this area would fit you perfectly.  
you flipped up the lid of your zippo lighter, causing the flint to friction against the metal and produce a small flame. a cigarette in your mouth, you held the flame against the tip of it to light it. once burnt, you closed the lighter and inhaled some of the toxic products stuffed inside a small paper roll, only filtered through a short orange butt. as you exhaled, your lungs danced in celebration to rid the repugnant smoke, only to be let down once more as you repeated the actions.  
"i thought i told you to stop smoking, its a bad habit" you peered over your shoulder to see none other than shizuo heiwajima stood tall behind the park bench you were sat on. "kettle meet pot" you huffed under your breath, he walked around and took the cigarette from your mouth, placing it into his own and sitting beside you. "your hypocrisy makes me retch" you complained, eyebrow raised and head tilted to face him. "i have regard for your life, mines not that important to me" you kept your emotionless stare, "your life is important to me" you whispered to him.  
he looked at you behind those blue-tinted lenses, the same cold stare you had. no, your relationship wasn't very romantic on the outside, but you did care for each other, and you most certainly did love each other. your eyes scanned over his form, seeing his bow-tie undone and shirt ripped, trousers a dusted mess. "you got in over your head again" you stated the obvious, but more so asking him for you to detail you in on it. "fleabag" was his blunt response. you rolled your eyes and sat back on the bench, "you let him wind you up, he's toying with you, shizuo" the amount of times you had to talk to him about this was absurd, he never learnt his lesson. sometimes you felt like a broken record, maybe your input was just wasted breath. "he knows how to press my buttons" his defense was always that, but this time around you were going to play it differently.  
your hand reached up to cup his cheek and turn his head to look at you, you leant in closely - hoisting yourself up just slightly to be face-to-face with him. "next time he tries to provoke you" you looked him dead in the eye, "think that maybe i'm one of the people you accidentally hit on your rampages rather than correctly aiming at your target."  
(e/c) orbs meeting with his chocolate ones, eyes glistening in the beautiful sunset. he didn't give a verbal response to your scenario you just put in his head, so instead you replaced it by pecking him on the lips. your feet swung yourself up from the bench and you took your bag from the bench, "come on" you beckoned him, and he complied.  
he was a lonely man when you first met him, pushing everyone close to him away - and you couldn't understand why. he isolated and ostracised himself from everyone, he rarely spoke when you were first introduced. the closer you got to him, the more you realised why he done that.  
___ flashback - 1 year ago ___  
you sat at the bar, shizuo next to you - an non-alcoholic beverage in his hand but a rum and coke in yours. you sipped on the drink, the ice clanking when you moved the glass. the condensation trickling down the short glass and the moisture spreading over your fingers. tom had arranged for you two to meet up, a date of sorts. he thought that you and your personality would compliment shizuo and his personality.  
"so, if this isn't impudent to ask, why do you push everyone away?" you pried into matters that were probably personal to him, but the point of dates was to get to know each other. he cleared his throat and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, "because i hurt people close to me"  
"how so?"  
"my strength, i don't know when to stop, i'm basically a monster"  
"i don't think you're a monster, sometimes powers are just too great for some to decipher and manipulate"  
"you've got a real talent for putting this euphemistically" he scoffed, swirling the contents of his glass in a whirlpool, looking down into it. your elbows and forearms rested on the counter, and you didn't really have a response for him - this man was not someone you would have pinned to have such insecurities in themselves. though you supposed you didn't really understand his personal situation; it wasn't like you had superhuman strength. but you did have something that caused people to steer away from you. with your index finger, you drew a line down the wooden bar counter, and like a blowtorch your finger left a burnt dent, "my power hurts people, too" you confided in him. he studied the marking in the wood, "can you control yours?"  
"relatively well, though sometimes it gets too strong and everything around me goes up in flames" you remembered your past, the reason you moved to ikebukuro in the first place. "you speak like its caused you a great deal of pain in the past" you smirked and retracted your hand back to its initial place, "people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" you replied, implying that he was also guilty of the same thing. "well then, if yours is similar to mine, have you ever had a lover?" the question popped from his tongue, and it brought you down a lane of memories you did not wish to revisit, "i don't talk about it. what about you?"  
"i have no friends to tell, and i'm all ears. i had fallen for a woman some time back, but i ended up hurting her severely on accident - it never worked out" he kept his story short and simple, but you could tell that the obsolete amount of love in his life bothered him. he didn't deserve the life he had, he was kindhearted and gentle. you cleared your throat and looked down to your glass, the ice cubes slowly getting smaller as they melted in the liquid. "i'm a widow, my husband died" it was the first time you were telling someone new to your life, but something about him told you he was trustworthy, he looked at you with an expression that asked you to continue, so you did just that. "young and in love, married at 17 years old, but i caught him having an affair when we were 20 years old, i raged so gravely that i lost control - like a bullet went off in my brain and i couldn't stop it. the whole house went up in flames, he died in the fire" you raised your palm and a small fire danced atop it, "i have satan's gift." you balled your hand into a fist, extinguishing the flame. his head was turned to the side to look at you, but your eyes just stuck to your hand - the memories haunting you. "i'm sorry to hear that" he sent his condolences, but they were meaningless now, "is that the reason you moved here?"  
you nodded, and then snapped out of your trance. "but all things happen for a reason, the heart moves on" you smiled to him, his features contorted with subtle shock as he realised that you were near enough completely moved on from the past. you must have seen so much to overcome such a thing in hardly any time at all. "i've never met someone like you before" he commented, which you giggled in response to, "in a good way or bad way?"  
"nonono, definitely a good way. you're so different yet so similar to me, its nice to talk to someone that understands."  
"i'm just a girl, nothing more and nothing less. but anyway, its getting late, so i should probably head home. thank you for taking the time to see me, it was a pleasure" you hopped down from the bar stool and smiled at him, throwing your bag over your shoulder. he followed your actions and stood tall, you realising that he was a whole foot taller than you, "i can walk with you, if you'd like?" the offer was sweet, and to boost his confidence for next time you accepted.  
-  
"you don't need to walk me any further, i live up in that complex" you pointed to where you lived and he nodded. "do you have far to walk?" you worried that you had taken him too far out of his area, but he relieved you by shaking his head, "i live just around the corner from here."  
the two of you looked at each other, waiting for the other to do something. anything.  
his nerves were racking up, as were yours - but you knocked yours down the quickest and hugged him. he jolted slightly, a bit stunned, but swiftly calmed down and slowly put his arms around you. he was reluctant to hold you, you were like fragile glass and he was heavy handed and clumsy. you pulled back slightly and looked up to him, "you can hug me back" you comforted him as best you could in that moment - it was a lot harder than it sounded. your eyes locked on each others, he noticed that your eyes were like diamonds, so stunning reflected in the light. the opposite of his, where they were matte, but they were a prepossessing colour of matte, in your opinion. hesitantly, he made his way down to approach kissing you, evidently he was anxious. one arm unhooked from around him, and the hand caressed up to the back of his neck, lifting yourself on your tip toes just a tad.  
it was abruptly ended as he gripped your shoulders and pushed your bodies away from each other - the two of you now at arms length. his head dropped, his hair curtaining his face, "i- i can't" the confession sounded like a huge blow to his pride. you gazed at him with wide eyes, not quite sure about what just happened. "why not?"  
"i don't want to hurt you."  
"shizuo," your hand cupped his jaw, bringing his face up to look at you, "you won't hurt me." his teeth gritted, mind in 100 different directions right now. "if you don't want to, then don't" you reminded him that it wasn't necessary to kiss you, this was the end of your first date. some people took longer than others to be ready. "i- i do want to," a small blush on his cheeks, which he was hoping you wouldn't notice, "i'm just scared i'm going to hurt you" - it was like he didn't know how to handle people with care, and you saw that in him. he had never learnt what it was like to be loved, and he had never understood anything but violence. you sighed, and shrugged his hands from your shoulders, "stay still, okay?" you instructed, he nodded with confusion and abided.  
you took a step towards him, closing the gap. at this angle, you realised he was a lot taller than you. right now, your confidence was wavering, but you were willing to lead him to make him more comfortable. your left hand grasped his shirt, and your right hand placed on the back of his neck, you pulled him down to your height and looked at his lips, gulping slightly as you felt his warm breath on your lips. your eyes closed delicately, and you leant up to kiss him. he kissed you back instantly, but with extreme caution and care. your hands moved down his arms and you wrapped his around your own waist. you could taste the cigarettes on his lips, but they were soft and easy to kiss.  
tom observed from afar, he just so happened to be walking by the area as this was beginning to unfold. he was rooting for the two of you, knowing shizuo's insecurities and your past - he was happy to see this.  
the two of you pulled out of the kiss, and your eyes met once more, "that wasn't so bad, right? and you didn't hurt me" you beamed, hoping he was feel more light-hearted about the situation now you proved to him that he wasn't only capable of destruction. he nodded, a grin on his face as he felt good about himself for once, "it was nice, i liked it."  
you 'hmm'ed, your smile never dissipating. "i've gotta go, but i'll see you soon, right?" you puppy dog eyed him, unintentionally. he nodded and stroked your hair. you took yourself out of his hold, and turned to walk back to your apartment. you waved to him as you left, and he returned the gesture. he waited outside until you had gotten safely into your apartment. and when he lost sight of you, he let out a long breath - he hadn't realised he had been holding his breath. his stomach fluttered, so much so that he wanted to laugh and run, but he composed himself.


	2. two | break.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> still the past.

"so how'd the date with (name) go?" tom asked shizuo as they sat facing each other in a fast food restaurant. shizuo scratched the back of his head and chuckled slightly, "i suppose we got on. but i don't think she's all that interested" his mind clouded with his own insecurities, he always doubted himself in this department. "it didn't seem that way when she brought you in for a kiss" tom smirked, sucking on his straw. shizuo's face turned slightly red, "aha" he nervously laughed, "you saw that, huh?"   
"why don't you call her, and ask for another date?" shizuo began to feel ill at the thought of it, "oh i can't do that. i don't want to seem like a nagger" he dismissed himself, but tom only shook his head. "she's not like that, she wouldn't perceive you like that. actually, i'm sure she would appreciate it."  
"what if i hurt her, tom?" his tone quieter than usual. tom didn't have an answer, what if shizuo did hurt you?   
they both looked out of the window and saw you walking with a bounce in your step next to izaya, laughter shared between the two of you. shizuo 'tch'ed and tom waved his hands to try and talk reason to him, "she's been friends with izaya since moving here. no need to get feisty over it."

-

you pranced about outside, on cloud nine whilst talking to izaya. "why are you so giddy? its unlike you" izaya turned his nose up in disgust, but you couldn't help it. "oh izaya!~" you were practically glowing, "i think i've found a second shot at love~" you chirped away, almost skipping along on the pavement.   
"oh really? and whos that with then?" izaya was almost bent forward, a mocking tone to accompany his words. in all honesty, you were still relatively new here and you weren't aware of the rivalry that burned between your psychopathic friend and superhuman crush, so why would you have tried to cover it?  
"his name is shizuo, you've heard of him, right?" you smiled as you said his name, and izaya came to a halt. you realised soon after, and turned on your heels to look back to him, "izaya? whats wrong?"  
izaya's lips curled into a shit-eating grin, and he picked up his pace again, "oh nothing. i'm happy for you" he looked at you with those malicious eyes, "just don't barbecue this one, yeah?"  
your mood crashed, and your eyes shook in the sockets, body still. izaya chuckled and saluted you farewell playfully, he walked off - leaving you stood on the street by yourself. the memories of the fire, the feeling of the heat on your skin, the smell of burning and the sight of your dead husband flashed through your mind like it was on a rolodex.   
"(name)" the tap on your shoulder made you jump out of your skin. your head turned and you saw tom and shizuo, "you look shaken, whats up?"  
izaya had wormed his way into your head and mussed it up, with only 6 words. you looked at shizuo with a shaky glare, pale in the face. he furrowed his brows in confusion, and opened his mouth to speak. but you cut off before he could, "i've gotta run" you gasped, dashing off towards your apartment.  
"what was that about?" tom asked shizuo, the taller male shrugged, "i have no idea."

-

you were sat in your hallway balling your eyes out, deciding whether or not to pack up and leave ikebukuro or to just lock yourself away in this apartment; reducing the risk of you causing harm.   
after another hour, you were still wailing in the exact same spot - unable to shake it.   
loud knocks came to your door, but you didn't move to answer it. they'd go, if they didn't think you were in, thats what you told yourself. your whole body shook, your red face and breathing unstable. "(name)" you heard shizuo's voice from outside, you clamped your hand over your mouth and nose to suppress your tears, but he wasn't going to let it go that easily.  
he tried to open the door, but ending up breaking it down anyway, he winced as he noticed the damage he caused. but his heart sunk to the pit of his stomach as he saw your hunched over form in the hallway, sobbing and trembling. he ran to your side and held you from a slight distance, unsure of your boundaries yet, "what happened?!"  
"get out, shizuo!" you ordered, but he didn't fear you. "not until i know you're alright!" you whimpered, trying your best to reign in your breathing but it failing miserably. "everything i touch burns, everything i go near ends up dismantled. everyone who's ever loved me has played with fire and ultimately got burnt in the end."  
like you did for him last night, he proved to you that you weren't only capable of damage. he took your hand and held it for abuot 10 seconds in front of you face, "i'm not burning, am i?" his voice so gentle and welcoming, you sniffled and looked at his hand laced with yours through blurry eyes. you blinked a few times to clear it, and you peered up to him. your eyelashes were wet and webbed, but strangely it was in perfect twos, your eyes looked like glazed over glass, and your mascara ran down your cheeks, but he didn't think of you any less. "please run away from me" you begged, but he shook his head in denial and stroked your hair, "i'm here to stay."  
you tackled him into a hug, him falling backwards and you landing on top of him, your head rested on his chest. you clung to the material of his waistcoat, he looked down to the top of your head in surprise. but once he realised it was comforting you to be like this he went back to stroking your hair. "please stay here" you hitched and contradicted what you had asked of him previously, you had finally found someone that didn't run for the hills when you approached them and you wanted to keep hold of that, "i'm here."  
"i mean tonight, stay here with me" the words slipped, and you realised how forward it sounded. you had only been on one date and now you were already asking him to sleep with you? wow. "a-are you sure?" he tripped over his words, it was sweet, "of course i'm sure. but only if you want to, too." he was always so hesitant to touch you, you had noticed that already - but hopefully in due time he would settle to the idea, "i want to."

-

he laid on the right side of your bed, you on the left. you were on your side to face him and he on his back whilst speaking to you, "i despise myself" he showed you corners of him that had never been revealed before, you remained quiet as he spoke, "i hate violence, and i'm practically the definition of violence - so i hate myself for many reasons." your eyes watched his lips move, sympathy pulling your heart strings. "its hard being an anomaly, i get that" you hummed, "but its no reason to detest yourself."  
"like i said, i hurt everyone" his head turned to look at you, "and i'm shit scared of hurting you." your stomach did a flip when he said that, did that mean he cared about you? your hand reached out, holding onto his upper arm, your thumb stroked along his skin, "i'm afraid of hurting you, as well. but i know i can hold back if need be."  
"i can't hold back. its like my body moves on its own."  
"then i'm strong enough to defend myself" you lied, there was no way your body wouldn't break if he went all out, but you didn't need to let him know that - it would only set him further back. "how do you do that?" he sighed, eyes to yours. your brows dropped in confusion, "how do i do what?"  
"well each time i've been with you, you've made me feel so, so- so /normal/" the last word seemed like something he had to think hard to find, like it was a word he rarely used. you smiled to him, "because you're not a monster, as much as you refer to yourself as one, its just not true. plain and simple."  
"could someone normal develop romantic feelings for a person even though they've only been on one date, and now they're laid together?"   
you blinked a few times, struggling for a response that wouldn't sound forced. you most certainly didn't expect him to say something like that. due to your lack of response, he thought what he said had made you uncomfortable. "i-i'm sorry, that was uncalled fo-"   
he was cut off by your lips placing on his, you kissed him passionately as the two of you were tangled in the sheets. eyes fallen shut and your hands placed on either side of his head, you were hovered over him to the side, him flat on the bed. your hair fell down, onto the pillows - curtaining the two of you.   
you broke the kiss and exhaled placidly, "does that answer your question?"  
he gulped and nodded, "y-yeah, pretty well." even in the dark, you could tell he was probably red faced and uneasy.  
___ end flashback ___


	3. three | the hybrid.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> back to the present.

the two of you laid in bed together, the tv the only source of light and sound for the room and your covers the only warmth provided apart from each other's bodies as you cuddled. "can you sing for me? like you used to when we first met?" he sparked conversation, and you propped yourself up to look at him. you smiled and nodded, "i'll give it a try."  
he pulled your body over to straddle him, you leant forward and your fingers ran through his soft hair, "i used to live alone before i knew ya, and i've seen your flag on the marble arch, and love is nooot a victory maarchh~~" his eyes watched your lips dance to produce a beautiful symphony just for his ears, "its a cold and its a brokeeenn, hallelujah~" - to him, your voice was like a harmony of angels, and it was his favourite thing to listen to. and to see you, it was his favourite thing to look at.   
the blond male loved everything about you, be it your weird quirks, your singing voice, the way your face looked so nostalgic as you slept, even the way you scorned him when he went too far.  
and you loved everything about him, the rampages and aggression, the smell of smoke on his clothes, his compassion and his child-like behaviours. the unwavering determination, the respect and the strength.   
he rolled the two of you over, him now on top of you. your hair fanned underneath your head, and your lips pulled back just enough to show your teeth in a smirk. "i adore the fuck out of you" he sighed with admiration.  
your arms wrapped over his shoulders and you pulled him into a kiss. "i love you, too" you murmured, holding his body close to yours. "please" you whispered to him, hoping he would catch on. "you're still injured from the last time, i can't again" he held himself up with his arms and looked at the bruises he accidentally marked your body with the last time you had sex. you could see the pain in face, he only wanted to protect you, but he always managed to hurt you. you cupped his cheeks and brought him to look at you, "bruises fade. they don't hurt" you consolidated him, but it rarely ever worked, "you know that i hate myself more and more each time i mark you."   
a gentle sigh let from your mouth, you kissed him and rolled your bodies back over - you on top again. "then we'll do it like this" he looked at you with slight concern, but he encouraged you to continue with a nod. you sat up straight, lifting your hips with it. shizuo's erection stood tall underneath you, briefly prodding at you. you took his hands and placed them on your waist, "just hold, you don't need to grab" trying to talk him through it like he were a virgin. the two of you had sex before, but each time he would end up hurting you until you bruised or bled - it took a while after to convince him to have sex again. but this way, he's not doing any work so he can't harm you. "you'll tell me if i hurt you, right?" one of your hands placed on his chest as the other took his cock and guided it to your pussy, "i promise" you smiled to reassure him, but reassured wasn't an expression on his face, "we can stop, if you don't want to do this?"  
"no, i want this, i want you in every way so please" he pleaded, you nodded and leant forward, kissing him on the lips. you held his cock and made your way down it, slowly to ease him. easily you began to bounce on top of him, gently at first. his shallow moans echoed through your ears, and your hands moved to grip on his shoulders, head dropped down onto his chest. he only had his hands placed on your waist, and at the moment this was just slow sex. the words "enjoy your missionary sex" played in your mind, in your friends voice that you used to joke with about her having unusual kinks. you smiled to yourself at the memory, if only she could see you now.

-

shizuo ran a glass of water for you, and pried your mouth open as you were prepping dinner. he popped your daily contraceptive pill in your mouth and placed the rim of the glass in your mouth to drink it. you swallowed the small white pill and giggled, "so that's what you want tonight, huh?" your smirk wide and you dished the plates. he stood behind you and you felt his boner against your back, his hands grasped your waist. "don't be so impatient" you scolded playfully, taking one plate in each hand and walking out to place them on the table.  
the two of you sat at the table opposite each other, and dug into your meal. though you played with your food rather than eat it, you just weren't feeling very hungry. "is everything okay? you're not eating" shizuo asked, showing his concern for you. you smiled to reassure him, "i'm fine, i'm just not all that hungry."  
"i love you" he tried to grab your eye contact, but was unsuccessful as he realised your sight wasn't moving from your plate. "i love you, too" you squeaked back, it almost sounded indecisive. his hand reached over the table to place on yours, "i'm here, if there's anything you need to talk about, you know that right?" you harrumphed in response, a gentle sigh leaving your rosy lips, "i know that, thank you."  
but how could you tell shizuo the truth? how would he honestly react, if he found out you were pregnant?  
it would turn out, that you wouldn't need to tell him yourself.

-

a few days went by, and you were sat on the sofa watching garbage tv with (favourite snack) in hand, whilst shizuo was doing god knows what. you heard him shuffling up about upstairs, making unnecessary ruckus. you surfed through the channels, bored as anything. you heard his footsteps stomp downstairs, but your square eyes didn't budge from the screen.   
"how long were you planning on keeping it from me? a few days? a few months?" he stood in the doorway, anger laced in his voice. you looked over the back of the sofa, "oh" was the only thing that came to mind, he had your recently taken pregnancy test clenched in his fist. you should've thrown it out, or at least hidden it somewhere better. "where'd you get that?" you turned back around, sounding apathetic - maybe you could play it off. "from your drawers."  
"its not mine" you retorted.  
"then who's is it?" he stormed around in front of you, blocking your view of the tv. he towered over your seated form, a fire lit in his eyes. you peered up to him with a blank face, "you don't frighten me" you rebelled against him, you were sure izaya would love to see this scene right about now. "tell me the truth"  
you reached for your cigarette pack and pulled one out, but he snatched them from you before you could even put the killer in your mouth. you raised an eyebrow and scoffed, "i don't want to talk about it." he squatted down in front of you, one hand placed on your thigh to speak to you, "you don't have to, but (name), you can't deny your pregnancy to me if i'm the father" he sounded soft, that previous vexation dissipated. your eyes moved away from him to dismiss the seriousness, "fine" you sighed, "you got me. i'm pregnant." your eyes flickered back to him, his smile tranquil and eyebrows displaying that he was happy about this, not upset. you thought that he would be frightened, his strength and a newborn baby? probably not the best mix.   
his finger twiddled your hair, "i love you" he extended his legs to kiss you, which you returned. he moved down and kissed your stomach, "and i'm gonna love our daughter to pieces, too."  
you arched an eyebrow and looked down to the top of his head, "daughter?" you repeated him, slightly bewildered as to why he was already labelling a gender. he wrapped his arms around your lower back and rested his head on your thighs, legs still bent on the carpet. "just a feeling" you stroked his hair, the shorter locks falling through your fingers as you grazed your hand through the blond mess. it was nostalgia, to have him like this with you. it made you so grateful when he just held you, knowing he won't hurt you. physically, you weren't very intimate at all because of his worries about harming you. but mentally and emotionally you were in sync with the other.


	4. four | please don't hurt me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> accidental abuse.

you were about 4 months pregnant now, just starting your second trimester. he attended all hospital appointments with you, watched with hope at the screen that showed the small form of your unborn baby. he done everything for you, he would bend over backwards until his back snapped if need be. even though you weren't /that/ heavily pregnant yet, he insisted on covering all of your needs until the baby came. truthfully, it was adorable and it proved to you that he was so thrilled to become a father - but still unnecessary.   
shizuo's anger issues hadn't been resolved yet, but that wasn't unexpected, you supposed. you always tried your best to calm him down, but it wasn't only dangerous for you it was dangerous for your baby.   
exhibit a, today. this day was not in yours or shizuo's favour, destiny did not prioritise either of you - god seemingly abhorred you both today. what was that, about bad karma? the bad karma that shizuo and yourself were on edge for for a good few years now? yeah. you guessed that came today.

-

shizuo was on another goose chase around ikebukuro after izaya, causing thousands of pounds worth of collateral damage. "SHIZUO!" you called after him, not being able to run to him, this was your only means to pull him back.   
the two of them came to a stop, face-to-face brawling. shizuo tried to punch izaya, which he successfully dodged. you caught up to them and strode up behind shizuo, you tugged on the back of his waistcoat to tame him - but he had mistaken you for a thug near by trying to cause trouble, in response, he spun on his heel and whacked you out of the way before realising who you really were. you flew threw the air, and smashed into a shop window, the mannequins falling over on top of you and the searing pain in your arms, back and legs as the shards of glass had pierced into you. 'fuck that hurt' you thought to yourself, holding your baby bump, you were looking at your legs, hunched over in pain but not screaming. thick liquid travelled down your face and it dripped onto your legs and floor, you were bleeding badly. your vision was like you had just woken up, in that second where you can't see any properly before your eyes adjust.  
both izaya and shizuo ran to the destroyed shop window that you were sat in. izaya knelt down in front of you and tipped your head up to look at him, your half-lidded eyes and blood trailing from the top of your head down your face and neck. he pushed the mannequins off of you and grabbed your hand, "(name) you're bleeding pretty badly" you scoffed and used your other hand to hoist yourself up, but you slipped from dizziness, "t-this is nothing" you tried to play it off, act like you weren't hurt so that shizuo wouldn't have a mental breakdown over it. "you can't even stand" izaya pulled you up out of the window, you let go of his hand when you stood to your feet, "i'm fine" you insisted - but it was evident you were lying when you stumbled and tripped due to your lack of centre of gravity. izaya caught you before you could fall, gingerly so that he wouldn't push the shards of glass into your skin deeper. "here, sit down" he assisted you, moving down with you to sit on the floor. he was on one knee by your side, holding your back to keep you upright. "i'm going to call shinra" you shook your head no, "don't bother him with such trivial things" each word slurred.  
izaya looked you in the eyes, "(name), not only are you bleeding severely, slurring your words and have blurred vision, you're also pregnant and you need to think about your child" he looked to shizuo, "unlike some people." just like twisting and pushing the knife in further, to spite shizuo.   
as izaya was waiting for shinra to pick up, you peered up to shizuo, who was trembling where he stood, eyes fixated on you but unable to move or speak. his eyes watered and he had this awfully sickly feeling. "this doesn't hurt" you breathed, but he knew full well you weren't being honest. he could tell by the way your limbs quaked and your strained words, like you were trying to hide it in front of him. what had he done? what if the baby wasn't okay? what if your insides weren't okay?  
your vision was doubling, tripling, quadrupling as you lost masses of blood from both your head and body. you swayed back and forth as you felt you were going to fall backwards onto the concrete, now izaya held you with both arms instead one, "its alright, i've got you. shinra is on his way" he comforted you, not that it mattered much. 

-

shinra and celty came dashing around the corner, shinra with a box of supplies in hand. now you sat in a pool of your own blood, izaya had scrunched up the sleeve of his coat and pushed pressure onto the wound on your head to prevent the bleeding, but it didn't stop it completely.   
shinra knelt by your side, the opposite of izaya's side and examined you quickly. celty stood with shizuo to calm him, be a friend in a time of need.   
"i need to cut her top off, if we pull the shards out now she'll bleed a lot more than she already has." izaya nodded and took his coat off, "we'll cover her with this so she's not completely exposed" shinra nodding, commenting that it was a good idea as you were in a public place.  
shinra sat behind you, cutting up the spine of your top, izaya slowly pulled it from you and placed his coat over you to hide your breasts and baby bump, your back shown to shinra. shinra's face contorted, you had sustained quite a lot of damage - nasty scars and bruises would come of this. izaya held your hand and you bit down on your tongue as he disinfected your wounds one by one.

-

shizuo's teeth gritted as he watched this, it should be him there comforting and holding you instead of izaya - but his own mind told him to back away from you, he'd hurt you again if he went to you.   
"what happened?" celty typed on her keyboard, and shizuo regretted to say it, "i accidentally knocked her, and when i say knock i mean i full on sent her flying into that shop window."  
"it was an accident, don't worry about it, i'm sure she's not upset."  
"an accident that could of potentially cost her's and my baby's life" he looked down, "she would've been better off not knowing me."  
"she loves you, and i know she wouldn't want to be with anyone else."

-

the needle perpetually pierced through your skin, in and out, in and out. weaving stitches that you wouldn't rid for quite some time afterwards. you stayed put as he treated you, which izaya complimented, "atta girl, you're being really strong right now" he smiled at you, your blood stained hair framing your face as you chuckled, "needles never hurt anyone, right?"  
"okay, her backs all done, time for her arms and legs." he shuffled round back to your side, the absence of his support behind you caused you to sway backwards slightly - but like a flash izaya caught you once again. the dark haired male sat behind you, supporting you like the back of a chair as you couldn't help but lean back into him, your strength to hold yourself up depleted. "i'm sorry" you murmured, "for what?" his breath tickled the top of your head, "for being such a bother."  
"not at all, you can relax on me, i've got you." you took him up on his offer, and you relaxed into him, you couldn't hold your arm up on your own, so he helped you. he held under your forearm, your body practically limp at this point. your eyes followed the new needle and thread that pulled and pushed through your arm, closing your wounds.  
you felt yourself slipping, and your eyes fell shut as your body couldn't do anything else but sleep. shizuo stood there the whole time, and once you were fast asleep in izaya's arms he walked over to stand by shinra's side. "is the baby okay?" he concerned, and shinra pulled out a stethoscope from his box, placing the buds in his ears and moving the end over your bump under izaya's coat. a few seconds of silent tension and anticipation, shizuo held his breath as he waited for the answer. "theres still a healthy heartbeat, the baby is fine." shizuo exhaled heavily, relieved to the high heavens. "you need to take her home to rest" shinra advised shizuo, but instead of owning up for it he backed away in fear, "i- i can't. i'll h- hurt her again" his voice shaky, eyes broad. it broke his heart, it really did. to have you out of reach, because he couldn't control himself. he wasn't saying it to be nasty, he was saying it to protect you.  
izaya rolled his eyes and huffed, "fine. if the monster won't care for her as she recovers she can stay with me." shizuo's faced turned from frightened to vexed, "not a chance in hell, she's not staying with you!" he barked, jealousy spilling over. "i'm the first person she met here, she'll be safe with me."  
"can't she stay with you, shinra?! you're a doctor, so surely it makes most sense for her to be under your care?!" clutching at straws, anything but have you stay with izaya. shinra closed mouthed sighed, indecisive on the matter. "(name) doesn't know shinra well at all, surely you know her well enough to know she'll be uncomfortable with people unfamiliar to her?" izaya smirked, trying to call shizuo out. "celty" izaya called for the headless rider, and she appeared from behind shizuo, "can you help take her back to mine?"  
celty nodded in response, and called for her horse to change form into a horse and carriage, enough room to hold your dormant form. izaya picked you up, one arm under the bend of your knees and the other under your back - careful not to hurt the stitches. you looked dead, thats how bad your state was - thankfully you were only sleeping. izaya stepped past shizuo, stopping to talk to him, they faced in opposite directions but it only added to the tense aura. "if you're worrying that i might try something, compose yourself. i'm not romantically or sexually driven - not even for her" it was possibly one of the only times izaya hadn't tried to spite shizuo.   
he carried you up into the carriage, laying you down on the seat. he sat next to you and rested your head on his lap, you slept so peacefully whilst he played with your hair to add to your comfort.


	5. five | the hardest goodbye.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i havent proofread this chapter, sorry sorry.

recovered from your injuries whilst being tended to by izaya, you found yourself in a ruse as to what to do next. you feared that going home to shizuo would upset him, maybe he wasn't completely over the incident yet. on the other hand, you wallowed in your own lament about maybe he no longer loved you, and he would only reject you if you were to go back. maybe he didn't want you anymore, maybe thats what he decided in the end. it shook you to your core, the future of yourself and your soon to be daughter pondered in your mind endlessly. what was to happen if he no longer wanted to see you?  
you were backing yourself in a paranoid corner that you would come to find you will struggle to come back out of. because the paranoia will be calling you to come back to the dark, bleak corner. and even though you'll desperately try to crawl back to the light of reality, you'll look over your shoulder and cave into the cries they voice for you.  
however, you knew that staying here with izaya was no longer an option. there was no valid reason for you to stay with him anymore, he had been incredibly kind to you and you appreciated every ounce of it, but it was time for you to go home to your lover. 

-

you carried your bags on your shoulder as you took step outside the building, the first time being outside since being injured. the fresh air was refreshing, your mind and soul danced with joy, the first step of bringing you back to reality.   
your feet carried you back to the apartment you shared with shizuo, the clicking of your shoes against the pavement with each step you took. the sun was out, beaming with heat, but not enough for it to be boiling. the complacent heat that was just right. 

-

the key turned, unlocking the front door to your house. the pushed the handle down, and the door opened to reveal your hallway. you took step inside, and the scent of your home invaded your nose - but in a pleasant way. you plopped your bags down by the front door and took your shoes off.  
slowly, steadily, but surely, you ventured through the hallway to see if shizuo was in. you hadn't given him any warning that you were coming back, so he may be stunned to find you now.  
you came to the end of your hallway, and saw shizuo stood in the kitchen buttering some toast, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. he looked up and saw you stood there, speechless for a moment, with broad eyes.  
he dropped his knife down onto the counter and quickly rushed over to the hallway adjacent to the kitchen, turning away from you completely. "shizuo!" you called, making your way to the same place.  
the slam of the bedroom door shook the apartment, and the sound of it locking echoed down the hallway.   
you tried turning the door knob and shook it aggressively, but it wouldn't budge. "shizuo, don't lock yourself away from me!"  
no answer came from the other side of the door. and tears rolled down your cheeks, you couldn't help control it any longer. you had kept it together for long enough, you had tried your best to perservere. but now you couldn't anymore, the sickening paranoia you had of him no longer wanting you echoed through your mind and you mentally screamed. your knees buckled and you dropped to the floor, and you slammed your head against the door. your head continued to rest against the wood, and your tears dripped onto the hallway carpet. "don't you love me anymore?" you cried.   
"i love you too much" you heard, he was closer than the bed. it sounded like he was sat in front of the door, on the other side like you were, "thats why im distancing myself from you."  
it broke your heart, tore your soul in two to hear it. "but all th- this is doing, s-shizuo" your breathing hitched uncontrollably, interrupting your statement, "is hur- hurting me!"   
he bit down on his lips, eyes trembling, but not yet crying. he had to stay strong , if he were to cry he would cave into you.  
and he'd hurt you again.  
he might even kill you next time, who knows?  
so he didn't reply. he knew if he spoke, he'd break down and wouldn't be able to reign his tears any more.  
feeling vastly rejected, you felt your stomach sink and your heart ache. the tears soaked both you and the floor beneath you.   
and right on que, you felt your baby move. it reminded you all over again, of everything. and you knew, that for your own sanity, and for shizuo's safety, you would have to leave.  
the frightening emotion of panic surged through your whole body, it terrified you half to death that you'd lose control again if this was to continue. if you were to continue wailing, your mind would waver and you'd unleash the calamity that is your strength, and burn this whole complex to the ground. you placed your palm against the wooden door, "we love you" your voice hazy as you stood to your feet.  
your paced quickened to the front door, where you picked up your bag once more and retraced your steps back to izaya's.

-

the door opened and there stood izaya, he looked as nonchalant as ever whereas you were a state, blood-shot eyes and a quivering lip. "whats the matter? back so soon?" he raised an eyebrow. you nodded your head and took a deep breath, "i need your help, again."  
he beckoned you in, and motioned for you to sit on the sofa. he sat next to you. about 40cm away from you, and rested his forearms on his knees and turned his head to pay attention to you completely.   
"i need you to... oh gosh, how do i even ask for this? i- i need you to set me up somewhere else, out of this place. not too far, but far enough. and i don't want anyone to know where i've gone. do you reckon you could do that for me?" you blinked a few times to rid the tears filling on your waterline, and held eye contact with izaya. he sighed and sat back, "yeah" he 'hmm'ed, "i could do that easily. but, aren't you pregnant?"  
you looked down to your bump and held it lovingly, "yeah, thats why i need to leave. shizuo doesn't want me anymore" saying it out loud make you cry even more. you truly were a mess.  
you truly did just want to live a happy life with the man you loved.  
but we don't always get what we want.


	6. six | time heals all wounds.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a bit of a back and forth chapter but heyho

izaya granted your wishes. he found you a two bedroom apartment in adachi, tokyo. an hour on the train, a 30 minute car drive. like you asked, it wasn't too far out, but it was far enough. he had also found you a job that paid well and sent an application for you, which you heavily appreciated.  
so here we were again, loading another car with your belongings whilst shizuo was working, to leave the life you had in ikebukuro to live in adachi, leaving another place you called home due to a broken relationship. could you really live your life like this forever?  
you had decided that you would give birth to your daughter, and raise her on her own, no new partners and no shizuo. it would only make things messy again. as you slammed down the boot of your car, you looked up to the window of your apartment and creased your eyebrows. so many good memories you were going to have to leave behind, for a second time.  
you got into the drivers seat of the car, the only person you had said goodbye to was izaya, he was the only one that knew you were leaving so it was best to keep it like that. maybe it was deceitful and spineless of you to not tell shizuo, who was expecting a child with you. but maybe it was best, too. he wouldn't speak to you anyway.  
as you started your ignition, you reversed out of the parking lot and began driving, away, out of this place. and to adachi you went. as you left ikebukuro, you couldn't help but shed a few tears. you changed gear into fifth as you came on the motorway, and your baby moved. a gentle hand rubbed on the bump, "i know, girly. we'll be there soon."

-

after a long day of work, shizuo unlocked the door to your, now his, apartment and walked in. almost instantly he got an eery vibe from the place. it was quiet, too quiet. had you gone out?  
he trudged through the front room and down the hallway to the bedroom. he opened the door just enough to look inside, and you weren't in there.  
yeah, he was being distant from you but it didn't mean he didn't care. he still wanted to make sure you were safe and okay.  
each room he went to, he couldn't find you anywhere. it was unlike you to go out this late, and you were heavily pregnant. he batted away his worries and set up his bed on the sofa, laying in it and deciding to get an early night. he was sure he'd see you in the morning, and his mind would be put to rest, even if he wasn't going to associate with you.

-

you pulled up outside of the place the sat-nav directed you to. you already had the keys, and it read the apartment number on it. all you had brought with you were two large suitcases that you were certain you would be okay bringing in by yourself.   
you drove the car round the back and into the carpark, pulling up in the only vacant spot.  
getting of the car, the night breeze gust at you and blew your hair in your face. it was desolate and tranquil here, you didn't mind it one bit. you took your suitcases from the boot of you car and locked it. leaving it in its space as you made way over to the doors. you unlocked the complex doors with the first key on the ring you had it attached to. as soon as it opened, you noticed a lift and a plaque with the floors and apartment numbers next to it. your number was 15, which was conveniently placed on the first door. you looked down the hallway, and began making your way down. this place kind of felt like a hotel, it was so lavish, well more lavish than your last apartment. izaya did a good job on this one.  
you found yourself stood in front of your new home door. the second key on the ring unlocked it and you pushed the door open. it was dark in there, all the lights had been switched off. you pushed the lightswitch and the front room lit up. luckily for you, izaya had found a place that had already been furnished. it would be expensive to buy all new furniture, and it would have taken you too long to take the furniture from your old apartment. shizuo would have found out quickly.  
it was pretty, you liked the colour scheme although it was basic. magnolia and coffee brown, it felt homely.  
"say hello to our new home, baby" you whispered, looking around to familarise yourself with the new place.

-

shizuo woke in the morning, earlier than normal. outside the sun was still rising and the clock on the wall told him it had just gone 6.00am. surely, you were to have come home by now. you were probably sleeping. he swung himself off the sofa and looked down the hallway, but he couldn't see your shoes.   
maybe you had just forgotten, or you were too tired to take them off, he said to himself.  
he took himself back down that hallway to be in front of the bedroom door. he peeped through a gap in the door he had made whilst opening it, but the bed hadn't even been touched since from when he looked last night.  
okay.  
now he was starting to panic.  
he grabbed his phone from the side and unlocked it, to see that there were no messages nor missed calls from you. had something happened to you? something... bad?  
he dialled your number, and waited for the ringing.

-

'bzzzzbzzzz' your phone vibrated on your bedside table, loud enough to wake you up. you shot up and grabbed the phone that was lighting up the whole room, hurting your eyes.   
\--- 'shizuo is calling' ---  
the phone screen read, and your stomach sunk as you realised that you had forgotten to change your phone number. you had to make sure you were to do that today, otherwise you'd find yourself in deep trouble.  
you pressed the off button on the phone to make it stop vibrating, and you waited until the call ended.   
as soon as it had, you turned your phone off and put it back on the side. you rested your head back down and shook, until you could eradicate this remorse just enough so that you could fall back asleep.

-

by the time you had properly woken yourself up it was 10.00am, which was nice to have such a long lie in. but you knew today was the most important day, you had to go food shopping, change your phone number, and sort out your new home. you knew no one here, and you knew nothing about the area. maybe today you would struggle, but you had work tomorrow and you were sure to make new friends there.   
just... keep your past secret this time.

-

\--- time skip - 72 hours ---  
its been 3 days since shizuo hasn't seen or heard anything from you. he was worried sick, your phone kept going to voicemail and no one had heard anything about where you might be.  
he was losing his cool.  
'thats it, he'll know where she is' his voice echoed in his mind. after which, he dashed from his apartment and ran as fast as he could to izaya's house. although he hated the fleabag, his best chances of knowing anything lied with him.  
the wind ran past him aggressively, his cheeks were turning cold but he didn't care. you hadn't left his mind for weeks, and now it was only getting worse now you weren't there at all.   
he missed steps in between, his long legs lunging hastily up the stairs to skid in front of izaya's door.  
'knock knock knock knock' - he continued until someone opened the door, preferably the man he wanted to speak to.  
izaya pulled the door open, and then raised his eyebrow at shizuo, "its you. what do you want?" he spat in disgust, it was bad enough having to see the blond monster around town, let alone in front of where he lived.  
"you know where she is, dont you?!"   
"where who is?" feigning ignorance, like the manipulative soul he was.  
"dont play around, izaya! where is (name)?!" the tall blond towered over the other male.  
"hm, im not sure where she is. i havent heard from her in a few days, either. maybe shes taking a short break, away?" he spoke like he was guessing, but he wasn't far off the truth. but shizuo wasn't smart enough to catch on to izaya's hint, anyways. that why he done it.   
shizuo looked down to the floor, his posture became weak and he seemed to have all of his resolve depleted in that moment. "really? you really don't know?" he sighed, he was tired. he hadn't slept in 3 days, he couldn't.  
"i really don't" izaya bluntly responded, "if thats all you're here for. leave" he pushed him away and slammed the door shut, going back to his daily duties.   
shizuo stood there. everything, all of this, he's blamed on himself. you were pregnant with his child and you were his fiance, but he pushed you so far away you felt ostricised and from that you took yourself and your unborn baby to who knows where. maybe, if he was just more affectionate to you, and could resolve his own insecurities none of this would have happened.

-

you sat at the dinner table with your food in front of you, and you realised just how lonely you were now. sure, you had your baby, but she wasn't born yet and wasn't due for another two months. you got along really well with one of the girls at work, but you weren't sure where the friendship ended. would she be the type to come over for a coffee? to be there during your labour?  
shizuo hadn't left your mind, each day you would wake up thinking of him and go to sleep crying over him. you missed him, direly. he was the only thing you wanted. his bartender suit that was stained with the scent of his cologne, his lips that had a faint taste of tobacco every time you kissed. his soft blond locks that you would run your fingers through to calm both you and him down, and his protective yet gentle hold he would give you each time you embraced.

-

\--- time skip - 2 months ---  
they say time heals all wounds, but how much longer would it take until these were healed? you were nine months pregnant, dangerously close to your due date. luckily, the friend you made at work, nicole, had agreed to be there during your labour. she was a kind-hearted person and she didn't have a bad bone in her body. you were grateful to have someone like that here. still torn up over the break of you and shizuo, you were unsure if you would be able to keep yourself in tact raising his child.  
they say time heals all wounds, but when would shizuo's wounded heart finally heal? he continued with his daily life, woke up, made breakfast, worked, came home, had dinner, and went to bed. he was so dreadfully lonely without you there. he knew that by now you were about to have his baby, if you hadn't already. it broke his heart, to know that his lover and daughter are out there, somewhere. he was obstinate and refused to believe that you had died. you'd never let a thing like that happen, no, not until your time had truly come.

and today, you were to go into labour and bring your beautiful baby girl into this world.

-

you screamed as you felt like you were going to rip in two, your veins in your forehead were rising and your body was becoming slick with sweat. your skin tone flushed red and the tears on your waterline threating to topple over.  
nicole sat next to you with her hand in yours, any harder, she thought, and you'd break her hand. but she perservered with the pain for your sake. she knew you were in a lot more pain than she was.   
you pushed as hard as you physically could, and the doctors' orders were started to sound distorted and hazy. you were so close to ending this pain, just a couple more they insisted. but you didn't know if a couple more was going to be managable for you. this labour had already been 18 hours long. they were right when they said you'd never feel pain like child birth.  
somehow, by miracle, you pushed for the final time and the pain subdued. the cries of your newborn could be heard by everyone in the room, and by lord were you relieved she was finally out.


	7. seven | eight years.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> drama drama drama

and after eight more years, your heart still had not moved on from shizuo. maybe because of your fear to fall in love with another person, maybe because you were raising your 8 year old daughter whose father was shizuo. and holy hell, did she resemble him.  
beautiful, long blonde hair, with chocolate brown eyes and monster strength. but, she had your calm personality and was rarely ever provoked.  
she was a behaved girl, she never misbehaved and she kept her head in her books. although physically she was the spitting image of shizuo, personality and temperance wise she took heavily after you.   
well, you were pretty adamant that after the 8 years of raising her you had raised her to behave herself, but sometimes that wasn't the case.  
today was one of those days.

\--- "hello? miss (last name)?" ---  
\--- "yes, speaking" ---  
\--- "we're unsure of how she done so, but it seems that zoe managed to leave the school. has she come home?" ---  
\--- "um, no she hasn't. how long ago did she leave?" ---  
\--- "anywhere from this morning to 5 minutes ago" ---   
\--- "well have you asked of the any students about where she might be? have you sent someone to look closeby to the school? she might still be near!" ---   
you panicked down the phone to her poor teacher, who was probably dreading this phone call anyway. you ended the call and quickly grabbed your coat and bag. you dashed outside of your home and ran down the hallway, pushing the doors open abrasively.  
as you found yourself stood in the parking lot, you panted as you scattered to your car. without hesitation, you opened the door and stuck your keys in the ignition. you reversed from the car park and began driving around town. to anywhere you could think she may be.   
on your hands-free ear piece, you called nicole. maybe she might know where she is. maybe she'll have zoe with her. 

\--- "(name)?" ---  
\--- "nicole! have you seen zoe?!" ---  
you were frantic, mind clouded and sirens loud. anything could've happened to your daughter by now, the worst case scenarios always luring in your mind.  
\--- "n-no, is she not at school?" ---  
you cursed under your breath and bit your lip.  
\--- "she left, i don't know why and i don't know where she's gone. i'm worried sick. if you see her, let me know okay? i'm gonna drive around town for a bit to see if i can find her" ---  
\--- "if i see her, i'll keep her with me until you get her. alright? i hope you find her soon" ---  
you ended the call and continued driving round the roads. looking in all directions for her form. you drove to the park, she wasn't there. you drove to the animal shelter, she wasn't there. you drove to her best friend's house, she wasn't there. you drove to the store, she wasn't there, either. you were running out of places to look.  
you parked up, and began to ball your eyes out in the car. the idea of losing her frightened you to no ends. there were no rational thoughts in your mind right now.  
your phone went off, and you picked it up to read the text message on the screen from nicole.   
-  
nicole: any luck?  
-  
you: no. im so scared  
-  
nicole: what if she went to find her dad? you said you recently told her about him, right?  
-  
your stomach caved, and instead of replying to the text you gripped the steering wheel harder and shook. what if nicole was right?  
you started your car back up and drove to the train station. as soon as you got there, you sprinted out of the car and straight to the ticket booth. the woman on the other side of the glass glared at your worried state, and before she could even take a breath to speak, you spluttered out, "has a small girl been here today?! about four foot, blonde hair, brown eyes, pale skin? about 8 years old?!" you hands shook, and a sickening feeling rose in your gut.  
the woman gulped and sheepishly nodded her head, "y-yes, she was here at about 10am"  
you looked to your watch, and realised it was now 12pm. if she had gone to ikebukuro, she would be there by now.

-

zoe wandered around the busy streets on her own around ikebukuro, she had a photograph grasped in her hands and she kept looking back down to it as she looked at the people surrounding her.  
an exuberant and boisterous voice triumphed all the others, and a man of average height skipped past your daughter. he stopped in his tracks just as he passed her, and slowly turned on his heels to look at the girl.  
he got a familiar vibe from the child.  
"you're all on your own in the big, scary streets of ikebukuro?" he questionned her. she bored at him with glimmering eyes, not giving a verbal response.  
he knelt down in front of her and raised an eyebrow, "what are you looking for?" he pried, noticing the piece of paper in her hands. she trembled slightly as she turned the piece of paper round to show the stranger. the photo showed an image of you and shizuo, from 8 years ago when you were pregnant. izaya's eyes opened wide, that was why she seemed familiar. "you're (name)'s and shizuo's daughter, huh?" he mumbled under his breath, but she still heard him.   
"m-my mummy told me n-not to speak to st-strangers" she stumbled over almost every word, frightened half to death over this ominous man. he smiled and shook his head, "i'm no stranger! your mother and i were the best of friends, when she lived here. i knew you before you were even born! i'm izaya orihara," he reassured the quivering girl. she felt inclined to believe his words, as earlier he mentioned your name and was now confirming that you did indeed used to live here. "i-i'm zoe (your last name). d-do you know where this man is?" she pointed to shizuo on the picture. and izaya pulled a indecisive face, "i do... but we're not on very good terms" he informed her before she was to ask anything more. "could you take me to him anyway, please?" she put on her bravest face and remembered her manners.   
he placed a consolidating hand on the top of her head, ruffling her hair. "wheres your mum?"   
"at home... in adachi"  
"why isnt she here?"  
"she doesn't know im here. she might get mad at me, if she knew where i was."  
"she doesn't know? shes probably worried herself to sickness by now!" he lightly scolded her. she whimpered and closed her posture, "i-im sorry" she apologised to a person that didn't need the apology. he sighed and shook his head, standing up and lending her his hand. "its okay, i'm sure it'll be okay. we have to get you home after you see your dad though, okay?"   
she took his hand and gently nodded her head.

-

shizuo nonchalantly roamed around, nothing particular in mind. well, not until he saw that fleabag. his appearance alone managed to tick shizuo off to the high heavens.  
"IZAYAAAA!" he shouted, putting his tinted glasses into his pocket.   
izaya simply giggled nervously and held his hands up in defense. zoe hiding behind him, anxious as she ever had been. she held onto the leg of his trousers and peered slightly round. "im not here to cause trouble. i have someone that would like to meet you" he admitted, with that shit-eating 'what you gonna do?' grin plastered on his face.   
he stroked the top of zoe's head, to assure her it was okay to come out of hiding. she analysed the photograph one last time, before looking up to see a perfect match. she inhaled with excitement, for so long had she desired to meet this man. but she was unsure about leaving izaya's side. she felt a sense of comradity with him.  
shizuo watched the girl, oblivious as to who she was. "who is this girl?" he asked izaya, eyebrow twitching and a vein in his head popping. what kind of prank was this asshole trying to pull now?  
izaya looked down, and nodded his head, "its okay, zoe. he'll be alright."  
she gulped and began making her way to the tall blond, whom she resembled.  
zoe stretched up and handed him the photo, "the lady in this photo is my mummy. when i found it, she told me that the man in the photo was my daddy. this is you, isn't it?" she queried with innocence heavily weaved in her voice.   
delicately, he took the photo from her hold and scanned it over. this was the last picture ever taken of you. this photo was taken a day before that... incident.   
he moved the picture from his line of sight, and stared at the girl in awe. "she looks just like you" izaya gave his unasked for opinion, and even though shizuo would normally have made him shut up, in this moment he didn't care about what izaya was doing.   
she beamed at him and nodded her head quickly, she began to ramble with excitement. "yeah! when i asked my mummy she told me i looked like you and that i was really similar to you she told me you were also super duper strong and i am too! isnt that good?!" she spoke without taking a break or single breath, her excitement getting the best of her.   
"look look look!!!" she shouted, before balling her hand into a fist and slamming it down onto the concrete pavement, the whole ground in the vicinity shook and the pavement cracked significantly.  
shizuo was speechless.  
utterly speechless.   
he fell to his knees in front of her, and she pivoted herself to look at him. her face read 'oops' - and it was the cutest thing he had ever seen.   
"you're my... daughter?" he breathed, he couldn't get over that fact that this wasn't a dream. this was reality.   
she nodded quickly, "yep! my name is zoe, i'm 8 years old," she held up eight fingers, "and i like sweets and books, yep yep yep" she nodded her head furiously, "i like them both!"   
it was out of character for her to behave so joyfully, but she couldn't contain herself now that she was finally meeting her father.   
he pulled her into a hug and held her tightly, but not enough to hurt her. "i thought i'd never get to meet you." he hushed, and she could swear she felt a single warm tear fall on top of her head. 

-

shizuo sat with zoe on a park bench. they spoke for ages, and he had bought her a bag of sweets to munch on.   
"wheres your mummy?" he asked her, the same thoughts izaya had, he did too. she swallowed down one of the gelatin sweets and replied, "shes at home. she thinks im at school right now."  
"and what'll happen at the end of the school day?"  
she lowered her bag of sweets onto her lap and looked remorsefully to her dad, "i don't know. i didn't think that far through."  
"another thing, how did you get here?"  
"on the train."  
"and how did you afford that?"  
"i took money from mummy's purse" she guiltily confessed.  
"baby, you can't do that. its bad to tell lies and its bad to take things that aren't yours. do you know how scared mummy probably is right now?" shizuo regurgitated the same things that izaya said, but in a more paternal way. "do you think she's going to be mad at me?"  
"mummy is very angry with you, lil'un" the two of them heard from behind the park bench. they gazed over their shoulders to see you stood there with your hands on your hips and an eyebrow raised.  
zoe screeched slightly and jumped, hiding behind the back of the bench. you walked round, paying shizuo no mind. you sat down next to her on the bench and picked her up to sit her on your lap. you pushed her hair behind her ears, and she glared at you with glazed over eyes, a trembling bottom lip. "oh zoe, i'm so glad you're safe."  
you pressed your lips to her forehead and kept her in your hold. "i'm sorry, mummy" she began blubbering in your arms, realising her hefty mistakes.  
you pulled away slightly so that you could look her in the eyes, "its okay, its okay! listen to me, girly. if you ever want to ask me anything, don't feel like i'll be mad at you for wanting to know. just please, please, don't run off like that again. i thought i had lost you for good, you don't understand how scary that was. i love you so much, all the way to the moon and back. i just want you to be safe, okay?" you smiled at her, and wiped away her tears with your thumbs. "i love you too, mummy." she snuggled herself to your chest and you cradled her. "do you want to go home now? are you tired?" you hushed to her. she nodded her head and yawned, "yes please."  
you lifted the two of you from the bench and rested her on your hip. her head rested on your shoulder, and her eyes drifted shut in fatigue. it had been a long day for the small girl.   
"is that all then?" shizuo asked you, "you vanish off the face of the earth eight years ago, and one day suddenly my daughter comes back to the place we used to call home to find me, and then you come to take her back to the place you disappeared to?" he spoke to your back. "is that how much you really want to hurt me?"  
you swallowed the lump in your throat, and turned your body slightly so that you could meet eyes. "i think you have a selective memory. it was never me that hurt you, all of the pain, you caused yourself."  
"i didn't mean to hit you that day."  
"i'm not talking about the physical aspect. physical wounds heal, but the emotional wound you left gaping in my heart when you completely shut me out never healed." you confessed the truth, what you had wanted to say to him for the past eight years was finally coming to light, "i loved you, and love you, so very much. and i'm sorry that this happened, i should have been a better mum and kept tighter control on my eight year old daughter. but for a moment i let her go, and it led to this. but now, i'm taking her home."  
"home to another man?"  
you left him, and began walking back to your car. he followed you closely the whole way there, but you decided to ignore him. once you were in the car, none of it would matter. 

as you approached the car, you fumbled around in your coat pocket to find your car keys. you pressed the button to unlock it, and opened up the passenger door, gently placing zoe in the passenger seat and doing her seat-belt. you grabbed a blanket from the foot-well and wrapped her with it.   
"tell me, (name), is my girl being brought up by another man?" he asked again, a twinge of pain in his tone. as you shut the door, you turned round to gaze up at his tall stature. "no, shes not. its just her and myself, alright?" you sighed and stepped to walk around the the drivers seat.   
he grasped your wrist and spun you around, hastily pulling you to him and landing a kiss on your lips.


	8. eight | the time he went too far <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warning:  
> lemon, choking, hardcore, crying, passing out.

\--- flashback ---

 

your wrists were tied to the headboard, you had finally convinced shizuo to come out of this vanilla sex and try something more exciting. and he couldn't deny that he was enjoying this, too.  
he fucked you like it would be the end of the world tomorrow. you pulled against the rope on your wrists and cried, the pleasure so good it brought you to tears. never in your life would you ever be fucked as hard as you were right now. he slammed in and out of you, your screams could have been heard from the next town over. it was immense, how insanely powerful his thrusts were in this moment. he was ravenous. he was like lightening, his speed, pace and thrusting so vitrolic yet so addictive. "SH-SHIZUO!" you gagged on your own pleads for him. "you like it like this?" he asked smugly. you hastily nodded your head, clinging to every ounce of oxygen that entered your lungs. "GOD, YES! I LIKE IT, I LOVE IT, I NEED IT!" your lungs were beginning to ache from all the strain on them. and your pussy was so soaked there was a humungous puddle beneath you.   
your body felt like it was 100 degrees celcius, you were fully turning a dark shade of pink and you were glistening with sweat. "H-HARDER!" how stupid could you be? it was obvious your body was on the brink of breaking, but you begged for more. maybe it was because you thought this would be the only time he'd fuck you like he was now, and you wanted to make him do the absolute most whilst you still had the opportunity.  
he tugged on the rope that bound your wrists to the headboard, and the rope perfectly untied itself. your hands shot round and wrapped around his shoulders. he pushed the two of you up the bed, and now your back was against the headboard. he pummeled you against it, his grunts overpowering your moans.  
like an animal, he showed no self control. the syllables of his name forced off your tongue, echoing through his mind in harmony - fueling his every move.   
suddenly, the headboard snapped and a dent began forming in the wall. fearing that this might make him stop, you screeched, "KEEP GOING. PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T STOP. I'M SO CLOSE TO CUMMING!"   
his hands grasped your thighs to hold you up against the wall. your head tipped back and continuously hit against the magnolia wall, but you didn't care. the pleasure acutely being driven into you in this moment was all you could focus on. saliva trailed down your chin, and your nails raked across his back. not once did you stop screaming, your voice was sure to become quite sore after this.   
he lost every ounce of control he had, his right hand wrapped itself around your neck and held you against the wall. your noises for him were cut off, as your airways were too. this was otherworldly. you wanted him to do this to you every time you had sex. the adrenaline that ran through your veins as he fucked you like a ragdoll was adrenaline you had never felt before.   
well, thats what you thought.  
soon enough, the lack of oxygen being transported around your body showed its effects. your vision blurred, and you found yourself struggling.  
you dug your nails into his back to warn him with the energy you could muster. but to him, that was your way of saying you liked this and wanted more.  
he gripped tighter and went even faster than he already had, this was like the power of a god. your body finally gave out under the pressure, your eyes rolled into the back of your head, and everything went black.


	9. nine | finish.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> last chapters, hunties <3

it was the next evening.  
somehow, you hadn't managed to go home. after kissing shizuo, it relapsed all of the emotions you felt way back when. now, you sat at the dinner table that you used to sit at every night. you daughter on your left and shizuo on the other end of the table. dinner laid out in front of you.  
zoe tucked into her dinner happily, and all you and shizuo did was watch her be so eager. both of you had dinner to eat, too. but this was the first time you had sat down as an actual family.  
last night, the two of you stayed over here. you and zoe slept in the spare room. although the offer for you sleeping with shizuo was there, you didn't want to leave zoe alone in a place she didn't know yet.  
"do you reckon, you'll ever come back to live in ikebukuro?" shizuo sheepishly questioned. you harrumphed and tucked your hair behind your ear, "i'm not sure, y'know" you tried to dismiss the subject. that would mean restarting all over again.  
zoe butted in on conversation, "yeah! mummy, lets live here with daddy!" like a can of beans, you wondered how long it would take for her to revert back to her composed nature. "baby, this place isn't like home. the people here aren't like nicole or your friends, they're like us two. and daddy. you understand that, right?"  
"isn't that more reason for us to live here?"  
she was an intelligent girl, no one could deny that. she had managed to find her whole way here on her own, she always triumphed at school, and now she was giving logical reasonings.  
you giggled slightly and sighed, "i don't know, girly. its not as easy as just moving houses. there would have to be a lot of changes. we'd have to find you a new school, we'd have to find a new home here, you'd have to make new friends," you listed the definite alterations to life. but it didn't seem to phase her. to her, she just wanted to live here with both you and her dad.  
"well why don't you move back in here? this is two bedroom, and big enough to accommodate all of us" shizuo suggested. you looked to him and creased your eyebrows, "we've been split for eight years, shizuo."  
"i don't think either of us officially ended the relationship, right?"  
you looked to a confused zoe, and then looked back to shizuo. "can we talk about this later? when zoe's asleep?"

-

it was about to turn 9pm, and the two of you sat on the sofa. tv as background noise as you discussed what had happened at dinner earlier.  
"well, give me a valid reason as to why you wouldn't move back here?" he tested.  
"because, i moved away because our relationship was becoming strange and you didn't want me anymore. do you think thoughts like that just dissipate overnight?" you argued back. it wasn't that you didn't want to live here again. you didn't really want to leave in the first place. it was the fact that all you wanted to do was protect your daughter, and a place like this wasn't for children.  
"i was afraid of hurting you. but those fears aren't there anymore, over the past eight years i've gained self-control. i can bite back and i know when to stop!" trying to prove himself the best he could, desperate to have his girls back.  
"do you still... you know, love me?" it was a questioned that sat on his tongue since seeing you again. but he hadn't gathered the courage to ask you until now.  
you gulped and twiddled your fingers, like a school girl with a crush. it was almost humiliating of you. "y-yeah" your response was short and blunt, but it answered his question significantly.  
"i still love you, too" he confessed. it was weird, how hearts could be seperated for such a time but it still wouldn't move on from the one it once loved. maybe the two of you really were soulmates.  
maybe the whole of this was fate. the picture zoe had found was an intended thing from the forces above, leading her to come here to find her beloved father. you chased after her in worry, inevitably encountering shizuo after eight years of having no contact.  
maybe thats what was decided for you.  
maybe coming back here was planned all along.  
you hooked your fingers around his bowtie and pulled him to you. you planted a kiss on his lips, boldly. your hands gripped his hair and his held the back of your head. you made out, embracing each other properly for the first time all over again.  
he gently pushed you back to lay on the sofa. his body placed inbetween your legs and your lips fit like a lock and key, dancing with each other to the rhythm of each others' hearts. your heart palpitated as you felt his body against yours, the feel of his touch so familiar and so warm.  
"mummy" you heard a tired voice interrupt you come from the hallway. shizuo pulled away and the two of you looked at your fatigued daughter, holding her teddy bear and rubbing her eyes. "i'm thirsty" she yawned.  
you slid out from underneath shizuo, red in the face. "go back to bed, baby. i'll bring you a drink." the oblivious girl turned around and trudged back to bed.  
you took a glass from the cabinet and filled it with water. you stopped by shizuo, "that was so embarrassing" you pouted, your cheeks flushed red.  
you trotted down the hallway to zoe's room, you creaked the door open and saw her laying back in bed with half-lidded eyes. you placed the glass on the bedside table and knelt down beside her, tucking her into bed and pecking her goodnight on the forehead. "n'night, girly. sleep well. love you" you smiled at her as you brushed her hair out of her face.  
"mummy, i love you too. are we going to live here with daddy?" she was so persistent, but it warmed your heart.  
"yeah, baby, i think we will."


End file.
